Hi friends—
A little over two years ago I walked into my therapist’s office and asked that we consider me + autism. I imagine internally her reaction was quite different (ie: 🤸🏻 finally!), but she calmly agreed and got me to get curious.
A few months later I sat on Zoom while we went through the pages of diagnostic results. By this point, I was nervous I’d be told I wasn’t autistic. But of course—because if you’re not autistic you likely don’t spend vast amounts of time wondering if indeed you are— I walked away with my shiny new diagnosis and some confusion about what this all meant for me.
What it would mean for me, dear friends, is that I would finally, finally allow myself to bring a comfortable chair up to my own table and sit down on it.
To be sure, I’ve umm-ed and ahh-ed about whether I wanted to share this in such a (relatively) public space. In the end, I realised I had a short but convincing list that tells of what I’ve learned these past two years, and why I’m still here:
I don’t want to hide;
I don’t want to miss experiencing my own creativity;
and I’m tired (so very tired) of standing around in a self-imposed waiting room— I want to sit down.
It’s time for a creative re-start. Personally and energetically, my calendar year begins around February or March, and so I’m just now starting to feel ready for my fresh start, my own version of January 1 so to speak.
Even as I begin to type here in this draft, I wonder why on earth I let so much time slip away between posts. I love <all of> this. I love the layout, I love the writing, the thinking, the community. I love the colours I’ve chosen for Bowerbird. So here we are (again, again). Except this time my bottom is in the seat of the chair (my own chair) and I’m going to stick around.
The past months have inaugurated a summer pause from my regular work. The days and weeks were marked by a slowing down, plenty of driving my children to-and-fro, reading for fun, and weeding my garden. It was not glamorous, or even at times particularly restful. But it was quieter, both in my calendar and my mind.
As often happens, once the quiet opened up, words began to cascade. I’ve posted them here at Bowerbird over the past few weeks, intentionally without sending them through to your inbox, while I’ve quietly found my feet here again (you’ll find a couple of them linked below). From here on out, I’ll be posting in the usual way, so you’ll find me in the app or your inbox.
It turns out I have some things to say (and I’m ready to start saying them).
Here’s to noticing—
Emma
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This makes me insanely excited!! 💖